Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
