I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
