I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
