So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
