The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
