I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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