just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
