so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
