Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
