She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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