Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
