My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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