you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
