After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
