I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
