Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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