I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
