Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
