i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
