i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
