my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
