Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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