I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
