lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
