Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
