So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
