I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
