At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Randomize
