They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
