Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
