but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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