Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
