Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
