I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
