He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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