He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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