My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
