i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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