so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
