His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
