can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
