There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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