It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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