Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
