Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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