Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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