I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
