I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do vagina's smell?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
