I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
