I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
