I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
