i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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