The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
